Day Three of Sin Week. I am liking my little experiment in sin, thus far. There are real advantages to being absolutely positive that you are going to hell. It’s quite liberating. It really makes hating people a breeze. I highly recommend it.
Today’s post is more likely to be appreciated by the Catholics in the crowd, but I think that all of you will get the gist of it. I’m not sure what the sin is called under which this falls, but it’s definitely some kind of sin. Definitely.
In the Catholic Church, there are hymns and homilies, kneeling and standing and sitting and shaking hands and holding hands. And then, right there near the end, there is the very sacred ritual wherein the Priest symbolically transforms unleavened bread into the Body of Christ.
All of the masses (ha! A pun!) line up and wait for the Priest to give the Body to the believers.
I had participated in this sacrament many times. Many, many times. But this day was the first that I had done it with a severe hangover.
I was standing in the line of the faithful, awaiting my Body. I was swaying slightly. A little sweat on the upper lip. Throbbing head.
My turn.
“The Body of Christ”, Father Stevens reverently offers for the hundredth time today and the millionth time in his life.
At this point you need to understand that the only correct response when being offered a physical embodiment of your Lord and Savior is the seemingly simple two syllable word that is known the world over:
“Amen.”
But I was a little off my game. Instead, I responded with the much less traditional:
“Hey, thanks.”
A moment of sudden silence. I knew what I said. He knew what I said. Jesus and his Dad knew what I said. I felt my face getting very hot. I’m pretty sure that the pipe organ hit a sour note and then stopped completely. Face hotter. Father Stevens took a beat. Looked at me. Possibly tapped his foot. He looked through my stained and depraved soul. Blinks. He is clearly expecting pea soup to spew forth at any moment.
“I mean…Amen”, I choke, “sorry.” The last word was certainly only audible to God.
It’s been pretty much downhill since.
