Teenage Girls, For One
There is a very long list of people that would benefit from a nice, solid, movie-style backhand across the goddamn skull. One of those shots that starts with your feet planted firmly side by side, your right hand down by your left hip as you bend your knees slightly when your body rotates to the left and then, in a blur of violence, you bring that hand up and across your body. You'll know you did it right if you get up on your tippy-toes. Also, your hand should sting deliciously.
Normally, I abhor violence, but this damned war and global warming has got my head in a fit.
Two teenage white girls, walking out of Target the other day, most likely to daddy's S-Class. I assume they're talking about Lindsay Lohan or mojitos or getting finger-banged by Dallas Thundercock, All-State QB. As they walk past me, I see one of them point to a handicapped parking space and sigh, "Oh my God, look at the size of that handicapped joint, girl!"
I looked at her for a second, threw some gang signs and shouted, "That crippled space is OFF THE CHAIN, YO!"
And then I went up and cracked the bitch upside her head.
Okay, I only did that in my mind, but you tell me that there's a court in the world that would've convicted me.
Perky breasts are proof of evolution, because without them, the teenage girl would've been killed off long ago. Goddamned natural selection is crazy like that.
The back of my hand itches for sharp and immediate contact simply reading this.
Glad to see you're back.
Posted by: Tenacitus | Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 06:28 PM
I could not agree more. What sick twist of nature produces those mindless freaks, anyway?
Posted by: Codi | Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 07:24 PM
It always amuses me when someone who does NOT spend 180 days with these creatures in a classroom suddenly understands that they are completely insane.
Fabulous story. I'm sorry you didn't pop her one.
Posted by: s | Saturday, May 26, 2007 at 03:00 PM
Like YOU know a gang sign.
Posted by: Erin | Monday, May 28, 2007 at 01:16 AM
I have to say your regularity at posting is getting rather shoddy!
Have a glass of prune juice to loosen the flow yeah?
Posted by: biffolot | Friday, June 01, 2007 at 05:19 PM
It's about time you got back to your blog and starting writing again! Fuckin' Slacker!!!
bc
Posted by: cormaney | Saturday, June 02, 2007 at 12:52 AM
The thing is that many women stay permanently stuck in the teenage years when it comes to intelligence. So they could have been middle-aged women who'd had boob jobs.
Posted by: teahouseblossom | Tuesday, June 19, 2007 at 09:48 AM
It's too bad about all the stupid women running around... I hadn't noticed it myself, but all those female attorneys and doctors banging rocks together on street corners should have been my first clue.
Posted by: Erin | Monday, July 09, 2007 at 12:37 AM
And I'm totally not kidding... There's an epidemic or something. I went to my family doctor the other day and she asked me how my senior year was going. Of high school.
Posted by: Erin | Monday, July 09, 2007 at 12:41 AM