Everything's Fine. Nobody Panic.
Yesterday, as I was boarding the plane home from Philadelphia, at the exact moment that I walked by the cockpit, I heard a voice alarm blaring from console:
"FIRE IN LEFT ENGINE! FIRE IN LEFT ENGINE! WARNING! FIRE IN LEFT ENGINE!"
I could hear the pilots furiously flipping switches and pressing buttons (probably wondering, "My left or the plane's left?"), trying to shut the voice off. I like to think it was all a part of the pre-flight routine.
"Jimmy, did you test the 'We're All Fucked' button?"
"Roger."
It is a testament to how numbed I've become to traveling that I just walked to my seat and flipped on my iPod to drown out the inevitable screaming and explosions.
As a fellow wanderer, I agree with the numbness. Lat week I was in Detroit boarding a flight home. The gates had changed at the last minute--folks at my new gate were heading to Syracuse, which was now leaving from another remote gate. The ticket agent/ customer service personnel let some hard of hearing old guy on the plane carrying the WRONG ticket. He was now sitting in my seat, but on the wrong plane. When I shouted into his ear that he was "not going to Syracuse on this plane, dude" he swallowed his lip and hurriedly shuffled off. Everyone just sort of watched him go and acted relieved that they were not him. Darwin was smiling.
Posted by: Will | Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 12:57 PM
so color me badd is an improvement over screaming and explosions?
Posted by: drummergirl | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 10:47 AM
LOL. Good stuff. I hope they really said that. Gotta have a good sense of humor about pushing 100 tons of metal through the air every day.
Posted by: Brad | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 01:00 PM
I think I would have peed myself. Literally, just peed myself. I'm a little higher strung than average when it comes to flying, though. This likely stems from the fact that I'm still not able to fully comprehend how something that weighs seventy-five tons and is subject to the laws of gravity can fly. I guess that's why I'm an accountant instead of a physicist or aeronautical engineer or whatever. I mitigate my fear with heavy pre-flight drinking.
Posted by: EEK | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 04:24 PM
Egads.
Posted by: teahouseblossom | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 06:17 PM
If I'm going down in a fireball, you better believe I'm cranking up some Zep (say "Immigrant Song"), not listening to some Marge crying and praying.
Plus, if we end up on Lost Island I don't want her thinking we have some sort of bond because we held hands in the crash. Get your own food, Old Lady. I'm gonna go see what Evangeline Lily's up to.
Posted by: TJ | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 06:56 PM
Let me get this straight ... if they turn off the voice, then there's no fire?
Posted by: Bill | Sunday, July 16, 2006 at 11:45 AM