The Lord Your God: Horrible Engineer and Absentee Father*

In the day-to-day ruminations about your crappy existence, you may stumble across the meaning of life and not even know it.  You may bypass The Answer entirely, because it’s not the meaning of your life, but instead, cruelly, the meaning of life for 16 year-old Aimee Puckersnatch of Frigidtit, Wyoming.

And that‘s exactly why you’re never gonna make it in this world.  You’re doomed by lack of perception and hogtied by your faith in the unknown.

In my time away, I engaged in some very deep, soulful meditation.  In most cases, this involved gorging myself on ice cream until Jesus Christ himself would come to me in a vision and tell me that he invented frozen yogurt and never really got the credit he felt he deserved for it.  I called bullshit on him, of course, and then I usually ended up asking him if he could transubstantiate me up some ‘nilla wafers and...well, let’s just say things went downhill fast.  You’ve never heard a guy take his own name in vain so many times in your life.

However, one evening, as I wallowed in my own heft, I think I happened upon one of the inside puzzle pieces of life. 

It is this: All the problems of the world, all the problems of your life, the reason most days go by with at least one more person being added to your personal List Of People I Must Eventually Destroy - all of it - is caused by the core belief all humans have that they are fundamentally right and everyone else is fundamentally wrong.  About pretty much everything.

Put another way - this world is full of some self-righteous cocksuckers.

This may not seem like all that much of a revelation to you, but it’s the foundation of our society’s failures.  Politics, religion, your shitty relationships - it’s all a non-stop slap-fight that will eventually end by all parties thinking (and sometimes saying), “Your well thought-out argument makes perfect logical sense to me, and yet I know it must be wrong, because it’s different from what I was taught and believe and I am always right.  Also, you’re an asshole.  I hope you choke on your tongue in your sleep.”

If, however, for one moment, everyone could consider that their faith in...whatever...is not the. last. word. on the matter, then maybe things would get a little less complex.   

I know it’s an overwhelmingly hippie-liberal concept, but why have we made things any more complicated than to just try to make each other happy?  Have you done many things better in your life than making someone laugh until they have fluids shooting from orifices?  Well, not you specifically, because you’re not funny, but maybe people are at least laughing AT you.  That’s a start.  A little happier.  This day is better, let’s move to the next.

Of course, no one wants to let it be that simplistic.  There are people out to kill you.  You don’t believe what they believe and they certainly don’t believe what you believe.  Neither of you has enough faith in your fucking faith to let your God make the decision.  And why should you trust God?  He put your asshole right next the place you like to spend a lot of your free time.  When the Supreme Civil Engineer puts the garbage dump next to the playground, why would you rely on him to punish the people who disagree with you?  All-powerful, and yet, no call waiting on the prayer line.  Rotten luck, that.  I know he probably needs a good, long nap after creating creation, but it seems kinda lazy to define right and wrong and then not follow through on the enforcement.

But isn’t that what it comes down to?  Politics, religion, your shitty relationships - you just want to be right and get everyone else to follow you down the yellow brick road to Oz.  And we all know what Dorothy found when she got there, don’t we? 

So who are you trying to convince?  If a lifestyle, religion or physical act is so vile and immoral and wrong, then won’t God take care of it, in the end? If you want to constantly fall back on your faith and morality, then have some faith in your God to be powerful enough to deal out the punishment for immorality.  And don’t give me bullshit about corruption of our youth.  Provide them with the capacity to understand issues and then tell them both sides and let them figure it out.  Are they so fragile?  Or are you?

Have a little faith.  Be happy.  Make someone else happy. 

It’s so much easier than you’re making it.  It really, really is.

Of course, this all assumes that I’m right. 

Which, let’s face it, I usually am.

* Christians only.

Comments

[mark]

Welcome back, and btw, i'll try to be right only 98% of the time today. The 2% will be specifically dedicated to viewing si.com in about 5 minutes.

Ya know...baby steps. Plus, faith is just soo overrated.

[Almost Lucid (Brad)]

Yeah, I'd agree that the only thing I'm ever right about is that my opinion isn't necessarily the right one.

I honestly thought we'd get better before we got worse, but the media has proved that theory wrong too. Never have I seen more bickering, more intensely opposed figures in the media. It makes real life seem so much better. Books seem more interesting. The internet seems to be the most open-minded source of entertainment. TV sucks, and newspapers are written by TV personalities.

Ok, sorry, I have a site where I can post in length. Welcome back. Hope you stay for a bit.

[k]

When the Supreme Civil Engineer puts the garbage dump next to the playground, why would you rely on him to punish the people who disagree with you?

I love this line.

Great post. I've been feeling much the same.

[Consigliere]

Is this the pretext to you coming out of the closet?

[Colleen]

Glad you're back. And you're you.

[coolbeans]

"you just want to be right and get everyone else to follow you down the yellow brick road to Oz."

Of course I'm right, but nobody -has- to follow me. But you all should want to. On account of the singing midgets.

[Jimmy]

Welcome back, man!

[tammy]

dang!

[teahouseblossom]

Nice to have you back. It wasn't the same without you.

It would be nice to love each other..unfortunately I don't think it's in our nature as humans. Thus we go around shitting on everything and trying to screw each other over.

But each day I try to do my little part to make the world a better place.

[panajane]

Oh Jesus Christ, it's about time. What kind of icecream was it? I want to have a conversation with Jesus, too. One that isn't induced by shrooms.

[rob]

Puckersnatch?

[crabby]

you'd think the big man would finally get call waiting. i mean, sheesh i'll be he's still using a ROTARY phone too. oy. get with the times already big guy.

also? why you don't have your own teevee news/interview show is beyond me. we need a little more realness in our real news these days.

[Scott-san]

Dude, you spent all your time "off" writing this, didn't you? It's THAT good. Maybe you should just post once every three or four months . . ?

[mikal]

u r a bunch a tossas, you carnt even begin to imagine the suffer and pain of hell. mate if you wish to go to hell, GO FOR IT ILL BE WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES CHEERING

[sue]

You always say it waaay better than the rest of us! Perfect, CW, just perfect!