You Don't Own Me

There appears to exist a belief that I am "whipped".  I'm not sure how these filthy lies get started, though I suspect it may be because I write about how I'm a gigantic pussy all the time. 

But that's strictly for comedic purposes only. 

Rest assured, I am all man.

220 pounds of unbridled sexy majesty.  And sometimes, when I'm in the mood, bridled. 

I've seen whipped, my friends, and it is not me.  For example, I heard the tale of a woman last week on the radio.  This woman stated that she demands that her man respect her.  To that end, she forces him to turn his head when beautiful women are on television.  You. Have. Got. To. Be. Shitting. Me.

Lest you think this woman is some isolated whack-job, no more than two minutes later another woman called in to say that she makes her man do the same thing.  Don't these two sound like an absolute treat to be around?  These men are praying death will take them quickly and soon.

By whose definition of beautiful does the man go by?  Does the wife hold up a green card for safe and a red card for danger?!  Fun life.

I am convinced that this is the exact kind of woman whose husband is deeply involved in S&M during his lunchhour with Mistress Veronica Von Kidneypunch.  Later, after the bitter divorce (wherein it is revealed that she enjoys using a strap-on during lovemaking), she will wonder aloud to friends, "Why?  Why did he cheat?  What did I ever do?"

Now, I am not condoning cheating in any way.  What I am condoning is that when your spouse tells you to turn your head from beautiful women, you calmly look at her and say, "You are out of your fucking mind.  Here's how the rest of this marriage is gonna go: I will look but not touch and you will not make ridiculous, asinine comments like that.  Also, you will make me sandwiches with lots of bacon without being prompted and I will give you ear popping oral sex.  Whoever cheats gives all money and possessions to the other person and goes to live under a railroad bridge.  So let it be written, so let it be done."

Just.  That.  Easy.

Comments

[submissiveshe4]

Have you ever considered running for President? You have my vote!

[saucygrrl]

Who doesn't love quoting the Ten Commandments? Fucking. Awesome.